ages later ...

Forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach.

˜ flicked from some forward, origin unknown

The toothy grin

The bus I was travelling by, was an AC Volvo. Many people cannot handle the closed nature of these buses and tend to get motion sickness. One such person was seated in front of me. She was in great discomfort and her approximately 4 year old didn’t make things any easy for her. Soon she was forced to ask the conductor to stop the bus. The bus was in the middle of a good snarl, so the driver immediately obliged. She went out (probably threw up) and had to came back in and wait near the door when the snarl made way for the bus. However, in all this, her little one had created a ruckus inside the bus. On not finding her mom, she filled the bus with a full throttled wail, that woke up many. On getting a gist of the situation all the people (well, almost all!) decided to pamper her. And pamper they did! Some gave her chocolates, some made faces to distract her, some gave their phones to her but to no avail. She refused to budge. Finally, one carried her on his shoulders to where her mother was. Only then did she find solace and decided to enjoy the gifts that her admirers had bestowed upon her. Out came a toothy grin and the bus almost lit up as her admirers smiled back too.

Life is similar...when it gets into the cranky mode one needs to pamper it without irritation or worries. The toothy grin is not far away :)

Free speech ...

"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.

~ the movie  American President 

Living and Leaving...

As I explore more and more cities I realize my love for places. But I also realize that the love exists because I would leave them. If I have to live in a new place then the place would stop being new and so I would eventually stop loving them.
When we live in a place we know everything about it. When we visit a place we visit only the best parts of it. The problems that exist don't manifest themselves , well, because maybe they know that you would leave soon. I live in a city that has such an amazing climate and yet an aspect of it is so cringeworthy that anyone I know hardly talks about the amazing weather. Everyone talks about leaving this city for good but I kind of enjoy the madness.

Living is mundane......Leaving is exotic.

What's changed?

Someone asked me why had I disappeared? I realized Its been ages on any forum. I wondered about the choices made. A choice that has grown stronger with time. What is the need to be known? Why should one’s opinion matter to anyone else? Have always been totally happy in a crowd as much as in my room quietly reading.  The need to present the 'I' has vanished. Maybe because its existence has become even stronger.

A small set of people who just drop by when time permits or drop a line to keep in touch, girlfriends who meet up whenever they can, friends who can pause on conversations for years and then pick up right where they left......find this better than the need to catch up in social circles.

The writings have ceased because the mind is in an overdrive. When that calms down then maybe the thoughts that formulate and the words that get penned down would have more articulation and clarity.

Someone wise, aptly said - "Do not break the silence unless you can improve it"

Man Bairagi...

मन बैरागी तन अनुरागी , कदम कदम दुश्वारी हैं 

जीवन जीना सहल ना जानो बहुत बड़ी फनकारी हैं 

औरों जैसे होकर भी बाइज़्जत हैं बस्ति में 

कुछ लोगों का सीधापन हैं 

कुछ अपनी अय्यारी हैं 

While watching the movie Aiyaari I came across these fabulous lines of the poet Nida Fazli.

The full poetry can be found online but right now these lines are just apt for me :)

Me, my kid and God :P

The chutney was spicy, and there was no time to make a new one just to accommodate my little one who is actually not that little now :). So I thought of a plan.

Me: Kiddo, I have kept a chocolate in your box.
Kiddo: Why? [Surprised, because mom isn’t really the chocolate giving kinds]
Me: The chutney is a little spicy, so after you have had your food you can eat it.
Kiddo: Alright.
Me: Please simply eat your chocolate and stop showing it around to other kids or teasing them
Kiddo: Why?
Me: Because they would feel sad exactly like you would; if someone showed you a chocolate but ate all himself that is.

At this stage, i don't think he has appreciated my general philosophical thought so i choose a more direct approach.

Me: And god will punish you if you show the chocolate but don't share them.
Kiddo: Really???
Me: Yup, God will take away your chocolates as a punishment because you caused sadness.
Kiddo: How is that possible? The statue in that room, how will it move and take away my chocolates?
Me: Facepalm.

Moral: Never use abstract concepts with a logical 4 year old.

Do not go gentle into that good night - Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Second track conversations

Second track conversation(s) have become my favorite pass time. It consists of me taking a decision and the second me blasting the first me.

A latest one -

Me1: Gosh! The sink is really looking bad, looks like I need to do a full scrub clean. But it will take time and I may have to miss on my walk.
Me2: The sink looks bad only to you, clean it later. Don't skip your walk, that’s more important
Me1: But i will cringe every time i see that sink. For whatever anyone says, I do not like dirty things and anyways it stays dirty till I clean so I might well clean it now.
Me2: Valid Point! You only have to clean so why not now but you miss out on a walk. You have been missing walks for a week now.
Me1: True!
Me2: Lets take the middle path. Clean only one side of the sink. Won't take much time. Then go for a walk clean the second side tomorrow. So within 4 days your walk doesn’t get interrupted and at the end of 4 days the sink is clean too.
Me1: Voila!

Anyone visiting my kitchen in those 4 days would have noticed my OCD meeting my pragmatism ;)

The indispensable man

Time for a classic by Saxon White Kessinger

Sometime when you're feeling important;
Sometime when your ego 's in bloom;
Sometime when you take it for granted,
You're the best qualified in the room:
Sometime when you feel that your going,
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions,
And see how they humble your soul.  

Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining,
Is a measure of how much you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop, and you'll find that in no time,
It looks quite the same as before.  

The moral of this quaint example,
Is to do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There's no indispensable man.

Main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya..................

More often than not we try to understand reasons...reason of why something, why not something else, why me? Guess its normal to have these kind of thoughts but what if if you stop looking for reasons, just take everything as it comes. Not asking any questions to anyone [including the almighty] just tackling each day as it comes. Not trying to understand the reason for a situation but tackling the one at hand. Is it maturity that has come with age or innocence that has got lost?

Gham or Khushi mein farq na mehsoos jo jahan
main dil ko us mukaam pe lata chala gaya......
main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya....

This Sahir Ludhiyanviji song soulfully rendered by Rafi saab is probably the best way to sum up 'salvation'/'nirvana'.....when you find nothing and feel nothing at any instance maybe you are at peace. Maybe its similar to being an algorithm than a human...

Just thoughts...............

The gesture

The smoke from his two wheeler could have put a chimney to shame and would have flunked the basic emission tests. The rider/owner belonged to the creed who don't switch off the ignition at the longest traffic signal. So i was in line for some serious smoke inhalation My neighboring rider with a small kid and I fretted over our state but neither asked him to do anything about it. And then all of a sudden he turned back; looked at both of us, then the kid and proceeded to turn off his bike.

The act in itself may have had no use, for the signal turned green in a few more seconds but the gesture truly was an endearing one.

Totally apt

A man should know when to leave the party.

~ Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

A disciplined approach to indiscipline

As kids we were time and again reminded to inculcate the habit of discipline. Being disciplined is considered as the mark of an accomplished Homo Sapien. But what happens when it becomes a barrier in practical life and you decide to turn into new leaf. Well! its a chicken-egg situation. Because for a disciplined person taking to indiscipline also requires a form of discipline ;)

Let me state an example. If you are a person who cannot sleep without your final cup of coffee, a habit you have built up over many years just try giving it up! Uff! Well it first requires you to train your disciplined mind to accept the paradigm shift and teach it that 'not having coffee' is the new discipline. Then every single day for many months you go about strictly following the new discipline and lo! In a few months you would have forgotten about coffee altogether

Maybe being disciplined helps. Everything can be worked out like an algorithm with sure shot results. But then isn't a human different from an algorithm/machine because of emotions? Maybe a different discipline is all that is needed then :).

:)

“Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper,
That we may record our emptiness.”

~Kahlil Gibran

Cogito ergo sum revisited thru' Facebook

Anisha called up to reconnect after many years.

A: Hey, been years....How have you been and what are you up to?
Me: I have been good. How about you?
A: Great! Travelling all over the world and now I guess back to where I belong
Me: That's great!
A: Are you working?
Me: Yup
A: And weekends....still the book moth, are you?
Me: Hahaha...yeah pretty much....I still belong to the 'read-to-my-deathbed' kinds though the frequency has gone down after motherhood. And I have picked up movies, thanks to a hubby who has some great taste
A: OMG!!! You are married and a mother....
Me: Yeah! Why is that so surprising?
A: It’s not mentioned on your Facebook so I assumed....well...you know what!!!
Me: After laughing hysterically for 5 minutes I asked her - So if I didn't have an FB account does that automatically imply that I don't exist?

And Descartes thought that because I think, I could exist ;)

Quotes from House of Cards [1990 TV series]

His deepest need was that people should like him. An admirable trait, that. In a spaniel or a whore. Not, I think, in a Prime Minister.

And yet we all would wish to feed on certainties.To hear the word 'always' and believe it true.

From Julius Caesar

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

~ Shakespeare 

Quote

What we don't say answers itself. By not being said.

~Fountainhead

A great line from a beautiful poem

We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.


A fabulous line from a lovely poem - A Brief for the Defense by Jack Gilbert