just like that

Solitude; a place i visit often.....it's been my den when I am stuck by a strong emotion.....this time its fear and relief together...fear of what next and relief of letting go what was never mine. For a gregarious person like me it’s amazing how I can talk in riddles even to myself......when i start to hear what i want to, my mind steps in and makes me hear what i should. No complains against the mind who manages to pull me out of deep anxiety every now and then...

Terribly scared but still looking forward......somehow that is the only direction that has ever made sense to me.....yeah that’s my mind working again ;)

...and the famine continues

I sometimes wonder what's wrong with me. I have come to this place so often wanting to blog about something that instigated me or made me exuberant. I can still see those writings in drafts but as has happened with most of my blogs they just stay there, never seeing the light of the public domain. And I don't think they ever will! Instinct made me write some things but on second thoughts I never actually published them, partly because they seemed too personal and partly because they were about people who would probably get offended......hoping this famine ends soon and I can conjure up a narrative worth sharing…Amen to that!

Emotion vs. Logic

As a colleague flirted with a near pink-slip like situation at office and was getting all emotional about it I remember telling the person to take things logically and not attach emotions to the situation. As the person cried, everyone seconded my advice to the person - get practical. We all love to be logical to the most emotional situations. It left me wondering.... why?

Is it really possible to be not attached to your everyday activities/people? I mean your work, your colleagues, etc....shouldn't they always matter? How can one work when one is not involved? It’s human to get attached, then why the pride in being indifferent? I guess because most of us have learnt the hard way that emotions are wasted with the members of our creed. It’s better to score a point logically than applying any emotional sense to it and losing the argument. Another possibility of why we are generally scared of getting emotional is the fear that the feeling might not be reciprocated. Oh what a humiliation if you are emotional and the person in front is logical, isn’t it? With this thought we are being more cowards than logical ....or so I think.

In all this emotion vs. logic debate, I am still on the latter’s side. But I do know what I am missing and I guess that’s a solace in itself!

Good Morning

On the way to my hubby's office early morning today I came across a plethora of views. Views that exist always but are missed in our everyday running-to-office-state! Since it was my officially laze around day I decided to stop and look around.

Newspaper folks were busy distributing the papers according to their customer's taste. The milkman was in a hurry carrying the containers of milk. Mom and Dads in their sleepy night gowns waiting for the school bus for their wards. Their wards on the other hand excited to talk to the friend standing just beside them. Women surrounding the hand-cart vegetable seller to buy some fresh vegetables to pack tiffins or for the breakfast. Men with handbags for some early morning shopping to help their wives - milk, veggies and newspapers probably.

A bunch of freshly bathed people waiting patiently outside the temple as the priest completed his prayers. The deity decorated with beautiful marigolds and the incense sticks spreading more than just the fragrance all around. The small shops were all open and the shopkeepers all set to cater to the early morning urgent needs of their customers. The big shopping malls were still in deep slumber. The eateries were full of people who probably had no one back home to cook a sumptuous breakfast. A bunch of guys on their bicycles carrying lunch boxes and chatting amongst themselves as they rode to work. By this time we reached his office and I saw the IT professionals all set for their early morning stand-up/scrum meetings.

Mornings bring in a lot of things other than just than a new day. It brings in hope. It brings in the thought that yesterday, however it was, is gone, and today will probably be the day that sets everything to what I want. Good Morning!!!

Power of faith

It was a Saturday.She was sitting next to the Hanuman temple and selling oil in small glasses. Hordes of devotees came to her, picked the oil glass and went inside the temple to pour the oil on the deity. The payed for it and returned the glass only on their way back. There were approximately 200 devotees at any given instance, wanting to please the lord with the oil offering. She sat quietly, accepting the money; murmuring only occasionally when someone asked her the price of the oil filled glass. As I went to pay her I couldn't help but ask if people really paid her and returned her glasses. Her reply, "Do saal se yahan baithi hoon aaj tak kabhi gadbad nahin hui. Koi agar bhool gaya toh agle shaniwaar aakar paise de jaata hain" (Since past 2 years I have never had a problem with my accounts. Even if someone forgets on a Saturday they come back and pay the next time they come)

Ain't it cool in the era of 2G scams? Tightens your belief that everything is not yet wrong................

Anger management anyone?

For a person who is generally crystal clear about most of the things when I get stuck in the 'this-or-that' state I hate every moment of it. I am terribly upset and angry over something. One part of me says to shout loud and make my disagreement public. Another part says to just keep quiet and strike when the iron is hot. So far, the later is winning. What is the correct approach when you are angry? Is it to shout from rooftops and let the concerned people know about your displeasure or would it be to rather wait for an opportune moment and catch them unaware.

Public displays have an inherent advantage of making you feel better because you have already exhausted a lot of your emotions in trying to state and re-state your cause. However, at times you lose track of the final target and get more concerned about belittling someone else. Also, most often than not words used when you are angry have bitterness than rationality associated with them. That probably is the reason we have always been advised by elders to drink a glass of water whenever we are angry. It is actually to buy time and organize your thoughts before you start a verbal assault.

Staying (atleast trying to) calm and waiting for the opportune moment has it’s own benefits too! You do not risk speaking harsh thoughts which you would not be able to erase off even if you wanted to. You organize your thoughts; contemplate the problems at your end before raising the accusing finger. In all, this looks better but then you have a whole lot of emotions stacked inside you which would have been better off if released. It creates a dilemma and you are left wondering if this is indeed the correct approach. You just want to speak out, it takes too much efforts to keep quiet.

Not really sure what’s the best way out but staying quiet without actually giving up seems more tempting to me!

Hypocrite - To be or not to be

Long time ago when I had filled me orkut profile I had added an entry in the 'Turn Offs' section – Hypocrisy. I haven't yet edited it (not atleast till the time of writing this blog) and so when I realized how contradicting this was with my everyday life I thought why not just put this down.

Hypocrisy for the all years I have known it has had a negative existence but many a times it just works right. Come to think of it how many times do we just speak the plain truth. We always twist and turn the obvious to make it sound more amiable and less offending. Its not wrong either! Someone comes and asks you to comment on his/her new dress. You think its pathetic, the color is too loud and the design is boring but you say none of these. All you say is “Its nice” or the less hypocrite may say “I would have never chosen this for myself but it looks nice on you”. I do this all the time. Come to think of it what is the point in saying the dress looks horrible to someone who is probably just wanting a nice compliment. Common! It isn't a life threatening situation. Its an everyday one where most of us choose a practical and less offending solution. Often its more advisable to just say nice things even when you don't feel like it, not because the truth would hurt but because the truth may not really do something extraordinary. A false compliment might just light up someone's dull day whereas a true statement might worsen the already worst day of his life.

There are situations, however, where nothing but truth helps. There are people too who would expect nothing but an honest answer when they turn to you. That, I think, are the only situations and people with whom you should never be a hypocrite. Say the truth even if it hurts, simply because the person is much more important and deserves nothing less than the truth. If you mess up that time you mess up many things and lose much more than just a friend :)

As someone had rightly said - “Its alright to be honest as long as you know when to be honest”.

Choose whom you follow

Many a times you are racking your brains for some logical reasoning to a situation and it eludes you for days together. Then all of a sudden everything falls into place.For days now I have been feeling helpless and probably frustrated about many things in my life. I had been trying to reason the mediocrity that I seem to be surrounded with and getting no answers I was irritated. It was during such a state that this small incident happened.

Riding thru Bhandarkar road I was following an auto rickshaw driver rather diligently. I am a typical Puneri rider and I always find a way out of any traffic jam , so my friend Neha was surprised when instead of overtaking I seem to follow this driver who was driving very slowly. Tired of my slow speed she retorted loudly -”Abe tujhe follow hi karna hain toh aage wale Fiat linea ko kar na.....rickshaw ko kyon kar rahi hain” (If you are so intersted in following why dont you follow the Fiat linea instead of this auto rickshaw?)

Bang! There in I had my answer. If you think you are following mediocrity synonymous (with due respects) to the rickshaw, its your choice because you have chosen to turn a blind eye to a better option (in this case Linea).

The mediocrity in my life is my own making and I cannot get frustrated about it. Moving ahead with an inquisitive and ready-to-learn mind is what I should be doing. I have to choose whom I follow :)

p.s No ways I am trying to say that a rickshaw holds no importance against a Linea. Its just that I associated these 2 vehicles with 2 different states of mind probably because anything that is costlier automatically becomes desirable for humans :)